I had an older sister. She started when she was eleven or twelve and
she started growing breasts too! I anticipated my period quite intensively
by the time I was twelve, especially that year. I kept thinking that it
was going to start but it didn't. I began thinking by the age of 14 that
it would never happen and that not only would I never have a period (which
would of course mark my entry into womanhood and all the pleasures that
entails) but I was doomed to never outgrow my training bra!
My friends and I didn't talk about it much. I remember knowing and marking
the event that THEY had started theirs but there wasn't a lot of talk.
. . it was a passage and it was somewhat private. Maybe I asked a lot of
questions about what it felt like to have a period but I remember talking
about this more with my sister than my friends.
I looked forward to my period with dread. I didn't really talk to my
friends about it - one of them had gotten it. A year prior to my first
real period I spot bled (bled slightly) for two days when the first space
shuttle went up, so I anticipated that my period would be light. This did
not end up to be true.
I knew it was coming and I was sort of looking forward to the event
of having "gotten it" but apart from that I didn't give it much
thought. Most of my friends were boys and I didn't really talk to them
about menstruation. I remember in 6th grade the girls with tits would all
gather in one stall in the bathroom every so often. There would be a lot
of embarrassed giggles, etc., I guess there was a sort of air of mystery
about the whole thing but I really wasn't very impressed. My mother told
me all the facts but I didn't really pay much attention, I got it all sort
of muddled up. It wasn't until I read Our Bodies, Ourselves that
it all made sense.
Before I started my period I thought it would be embarrassing to have
and I dreaded getting it. No one told me about it, I learned about it from
books, like Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret and Judy Blume's
other book, I forget the title, about the girl who loses her virginity
to a guy who calls his penis "Ralph."
My mother told me nothing except to let her know when it happened. I
learned more about it from my friends, and I anticipated "the event"
only in that I didn't want to get it later than everyone else. What was
most incomprehensible to me was that this thing would be happening to me
for the rest of my life (not that I expected an early demise, but I don't
think I knew about menopause).
My anticipation of my period was equal to horror. My mother didn't have
to tell me anything - I saw her fighting migraines, vomiting, bleeding
through clothes and on sheets. I did not talk to my friends about it. I
never wanted it to happen to me.
Before I got my period, my best friend Kris got hers. We were about eleven. I felt sorry for her getting it so early, and also a bit impressed that she had access to this mysterious adult thing. But I was very aware that she was leaving childhood, never to return, while I was granted a short reprieve. I was struck by the feeling that getting your period was a point of no return. It didn't go away EVER. (I didn't know about menopause yet.) It definitely signaled leaving childhood to me, and it was something I didn't feel ready for. Kris didn't tell me much about the experience, and I didn't feel comfortable asking.
Things changed when my family moved and I entered middle school, where
my new best friend was Lesil. She hadn't gotten hers either, but most of
the girls around us seemed to have. There was much more emphasis on make-up
and clothes in this new environment, and within a few months I had asked
my mother to let me shave my legs, wear make-up and take me on the dreaded
bra shopping expedition. I wanted to be more like everybody else. Another
year or so went by and Lesil got her period but I still didn't have mine.
I was starting to really want to get it. Periods and mishaps concerning
blood stains had become the subject of conversation at slumber parties,
and I didn't want to admit that I hadn't got mine yet.
My mom gave me a book on puberty when I was about eleven or twelve and
a pair of old-fashioned underwear designed with clips to fasten in a pad,
instead of adhesive. I don't know if adhesive strips had just come about
when my mom gave me those underwear or if she was just being nostalgic
for when she first got her period. Looking back, it was a strange time,
because my mother was beginning to go though menopause as I entered puberty.
She experienced depression and confusion at that time, and didn't realize
until later that it was related to changes in her hormones.
In 6th grade the teacher took the girls aside and told us we could write
down any questions we had about our periods on these little scraps of paper
and put them in a hat, and then she would answer them. This one girl wrote
down her question and then folded up her paper like a million times into
a tiny square, so when the teacher pulled out this question which she had
to unfold and unfold we all knew it was Jenny's, and her question was "Will
it hurt?"
I looked forward to getting my period because it had been years since
the health teacher had said that we girls would start getting our periods.
Most of my friends began theirs before me, and often years before me. I
didn't talk to my friends too much about not having my period yet. Sometimes
I thought that my friends, at least my acquaintances, would simply assume
that, of course, I had my period. I thought that if I was quiet about it,
it was a sign that I menstruated. Instead, I think it was obvious to all
my friends that I did not bleed monthly like them. Although, its true,
I was not the only 'late starter". Also, I was "late" to
develop bodily, which probably indicated to people that I didn't menstruate.
Some of my friends teased me because I was so "kid-like". I was
anxious about the start of my period and the physical changes that accompany
it because it was so long in coming and I thought that something was wrong
with me!